Dragonball Z AU Abridged The Fanfiction Deluxe Collector's Edition
by presidentuziel
Summary: In another world, the events of Dragonball Z : Abridged unfurled quite differently, with, instead of a brother, follow me here, Goku has a *sister* (seriously I know what I'm doing here.) This story follows her adventures as she tries to carry on her father's rebellion with what she has: An idiot brother, a planet full of morons, and innumerable intergalactic threats.
1. Episode 1: The Return of Tamata-Wait

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based upon._

_That shit's hilarious._

* * *

In another dimension, much like our own, except with talking Dogs and cats, much more advanced scientific progress, and innumerable secretly confirmed alien contacts, there is an alternative dimension of that world, much like our own.

In the first world, Son Goku, also known as Kakarot, had a brother. His name was Raditz.

Raditz was kind of an asshole. His dad didn't pay attention to him, nobody bothered to train him, and he was overly reliant upon technology for his sense of self-fulfillment as a result of an absent father and the fact that, when it came to training with all the other Saiyan boys and girls, he was kind of a pansy. And that's terrible.

But in this other universe, Raditz was never born, because his father, Bardock, while really giving it to his Frieza-designated Saiyan mate, decided, instead of pulling out and reconsidering all of his life choices, decided to just get it over with and keep it in. And thus, a far more interesting and involved character was conceived, rather than the quickly-forgotten, disregarded one-time villain who was little more than a laughingstock to all his colleagues. Instead, Tamata was born.

As a result, Raditz was wasted later that day into a sock while Bardock fanaticized about-Well you've heard a little too much already, so we'll just cut it off there and leave you wondering.

Now, the thing is, Bardock was kind of a sexist prick. I mean, the whole Saiyan race was, really, so Bardock wasn't any more of a sexist prick than anybody else. Even less so, in fact, given that he actually thought that women could be capable fighters instead of hardass baby-makers the way all the other Saiyan guys saw them.

He was still a sexist prick, though, and figured that, given that he wasn't particularly high ranking, his kid was probably not going to turn out well unless he, you know, actually looked after his daughter like any reasonable father ought to (coughcoughGokucoughcough.) Now, had he not, she would have more or less turned out exactly like her counterpart, Raditz, and gotten totally owned by Piccolo on Earth along with her brother, and events would have occurred exactly as they had in that first universe, except that Nappa wouldn't have made that Fraggles joke that only Vegeta and Tien got. Literally, the only difference.

But he didn't. Bardock decided to be a present father. Doesn't mean he was a good father, but things turned out way better for Tamata than for Raditz.

Except for that whole 'arm' thing. But we'll get to that later. Instead, we begin with Episode One.

* * *

THE RETURN OF TAMATA…Wait…

It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping. The eagles are hunting, and eating said chirping birds. Deer are frolicking and eating grass. Farmers are out near their fields, illegally hunting and eating said frolicking deer. The, um, emus are out in the fields. Seriously, emus? Those things are fricking mean. The Australian army once fought a war against Emus. Australia lost. No seriously, that's true, go look it up. Who the hell would raise Emus?

Suddenly, this peaceful scene is disrupted when a meteorite flew out of nowhere and crashes into a marijuana carrot patch, much to the surprise of the pot grower and fighting Emu rancher carrot and Emu farmer who owned that land. Seriously don't feel that bad about this guy.

"Oh God no my Marijuana patch, I-I-I mean, err, my carrot patch! …Yeah!" he exclaimed, to nobody but the Emus and the poached deer he was gutting (female, and out of season. Yeah. Guess who shot Bambi's mom? Seriously. Do NOT feel bad for this guy.)

He quickly scrambled into the truck, callously allowing the deer carcass to fall off the truck and onto the ground, thinking to himself, "I better do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation: Get mah gun!"

Of course, disregarding the dozen or so underpaid, underfed, and abused migrant workers that did most of the work on his ranch, and were responsible for organizing much of his business. Seriously this guy is just about the worst.

He cocked his weapon, not because it needing cocking, but because the sound and feeling turned him on, leaving the unused bullet on the ground to later be eaten and chocked on by one of his emus, a prized fighter of nearly five years, now retired and being used as breeding stock. He adjusted his NRA hat as he approached the smoldering crater. Yep. Lifelong membership in fact, voting whichever way they told him to. Douche. Bag.

He gawked down into the crater, at the spherical starship as it opened, a blindingly white light emitting as a figure, easily six and a half feet tall, slowly emerged while the pod chimed out, "Welcome to Earth. With open bar."

"HOLY CRAP, IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG-Err, Rule Sixty Three I guess," the farmer yelped at the top of his lungs, "Err, nope. It's an alien! HOLY SH*T IT'S AN ALIEN!"

"Finally, on this dead plan-wait…" the alien began, in the Universal Language (English), "What the crap? Did Kakarot screw this up? Oh thank God, I'm so glad we didn't send Turles."

"Better think of something cool to say to make mah introduction," the farmer said, looking her up and down. He slung his weapon over his shoulder and said in his best 'suave' voice, "Hey Purdy!"

With a smug grin, he thought, _"Hehe. Genius, Farmer. Genius."_

"Aw, look at him. He thinks he's people," Tamata rolled her eyes and pressed the button on her Scouter, "What's your power level, little Human? Five, huh?"

She took a couple steps toward him, while Farmer readjusted his NRA hat, "Hey, ya like mah gun?"

Despite being a 'responsible gun owner,' Farmer's weapon discharged while he was improperly holding his weapon with the safety off. Before he could even flinch, Tamata disappeared and caught the bullet behind him before it could land and hurt someone.

"Uh, no. Not impressed, Human," she rolled the bullet between her fingers, then rested it between her thumb and forefinger, "Dumb human."

She flicked the bullet at him, splitting the gun in two while he screamed, "GAH I VOTED FOR BUSH!" Blood spattered all over the front of his truck as his arm dangled by a few threads of skin.

Tamata rubbed her face, "Dumb. Now get back up and tell me you're sorry."

The farmer just gawked and gasped.

"Human?" she raised her eyebrows.

"…Sorry…?" Farmer offered, clutching at his dangling arm, "Wh-What'd Ah do?"

"I don't like being catcalled," she shrugged, and she picked him up, pulling a device out of her belt, "Now, this will only hurt for the rest of your life."

She jabbed him in the bloody stump of an arm, drawing blood into the tube attached to it while the farmer writhed and protested.

"Git yer filthy paws off me ya damn dirty Monkey bitch!"

Tamata blinked at him, "Did you just-Really? I am HOLDING YOU UP with one arm, after flicking a bullet at you that TOOK YOUR ARM OFF, and you're calling me a BITCH? And here I was all sort of hopeful about your species."

With a short energy blast from her hand, there was nothing left of Farmer, save for the DNA sample she held in her other hand.

"Now where's my little brother? Big Sis wants to have a little reunion."

* * *

INTRO TITLE

It was a hot and dreary day. There was barely any signs of life, no birds, no hawks, no deer, and only a single green-skinned figure wearing a cape and turban, standing on top of a mountain. Well, more of a plateau.

"Ah, good ole Wasteland. Yep! This sure is some kick-ass training! Dammit I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace. No new comments…No friend requests…Dammit. Well I at least have you, Tom. You'er always there for me," Piccolo sighed.

"HEY! YOU!" Piccolo's ears perked up at the sudden sound.

"What the-"

"Are you Kakarot? Seriously, if you are, stay still, I need to talk to you about conquering and enslaving this planet! It's REALLY important!" the voice called out again. Within a split second, Tamata appeared before Piccolo. At six and a half feet tall, she stood at Piccolo's height. She had long, black hair that was kept from poofing out and going into the normal Saiyan spikey by a series of hair bands. Her armor covered her chest without suppressing the bulk of her bust. She wore leggings that stopped at her knees, but no sleeves, showing off her muscular arms. Her boots went up nearly as high as her knee as well, but didn't accent her thick calves as these were large, heavy combat boots. Tamata had a warrior's body, as she was bulky, broad-shouldered, tall, and had better muscle tone than most Gym rats. Her tail wrapped around her waist.

Her scouter bleeped out Power Level readings, "Wait a second, you're not Kakarot. My bad."

"I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban. I must look like SO many other people."

"Oh, a smartass, huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Seeing as you're the highest power level I've detected since I came to this palent, and you're not human, I think it's best if I just kill you now. Prepare yourself for my signature attack! KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BIR-Oooh, a higher power level!" Tamata leaped into the air, and watched her Scouter for location of the new signature.

"HEY! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?" Piccolo called up to her.

"Ah, there we go. Considering the average Power level set by this one green guy and that idiot farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are-Oh screw it I'll just go and check."

"Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway!...Right Tom?"

"Holy Black on a Popo what is THAT?!" Tamata's Scouter picked up someone speaking in the distance as she approached the singular island in the middle of the ocean. Seriously, who builds a house on an island like that? It's smaller than Frieza's starship! The logistics of constructing such a house out here, given the technological benchmark of this planet, would be insufferable to deal with! Tamata could build such a house in a few hours given her strength and technical expertise, but a human, out here? It was actually kind of impressive, if idiotic.

"What's wrong?" a second voice asked.

"I just felt a power level bigger than…Krillin's losing streak!" the first said.

"…You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy," a third whimpered, "Shouldn't we grab Gohan and go insi-"

Tamata landed on the island in front of five people. Three male humans, a female, and a child. With a tail? No, that was a Saiyan boy. How could there be a Saiyan child here? Was that Kakarot? The pod would keep him as a child if something were to happen to the pod and remained unopened. Perhaps that was the reason this planet was yet to be destroyed; Kakarot had yet to grow up. Which meant…She would have to raise him herself. Oh dear.

Her eyes started on the boy, but flickered to the black-haired man standing in front of her, and her eyes widened. Not only was this the Power Level she'd detected, but he was a spitting image of her father. Same height, same hair, almost the same face…No scars, though, and something about the jaw and brow made him just a little bit off, making him seem a bit more like her mother.

"Oh son of a…" the short, bald one whined.

"It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you…Kakarot," she announced. He blinked at her.

"…What?"

"That's right, that's your name."

"…What?"

"The name you were given before we sent you to this planet."

"…What?"

"You…Hit your head as a child, didn't you?" she groaned.

"…What?"

"Oh for God's sakes, listen! You were sent here as a child to take over the planet! You're part of a dead race of intergalactic super-warriors called the Saiyans! And to top off this expositional onslaught…I am your sister!"

The four adults all took turns gasping as a crab fell off a tree.

"…So you're his sister, huh? So that means you'll be involved in a LOT of future events, right? Right?" the short, bald one approached her. He barely reached up to her waist, but even so, he stood and puffed out his chest, showing his muscles and arms. Oh boy.

"Yes, that is the intention. Now, if you'll excuse me I really must-" she tooka step to the left, but he stepped to match her.

"So does Goku have a brother-in law, too?" The human asked. Tamata stared at him as he kept on, "Huh? Huh?"

She kicked him into the side of the house.

KRILLIN OWNED COUNT: 1

"What did I say?" he grumbled. Her tail twitched around in annoyance.

"Hey! Stop hitting Krillin!" Kakarot pointed at her.

"Why?" she asked, "He hit on me. So I hit back."

"Because you're breaking Kame house!" Kakarot insisted.

"Yeah…Stop breaking Kame house…" Krillin groaned.

"So, what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?" Kakarot demanded.

She blinked at him, "The Dragon's what?

"The Dragon Balls! There are seven of them? They grant you any wish you want? Like Immortality!" Kakarot explained.

"Or Bulma's panties!" a new voice called out from the house.

Meanwhile, on another planet very far away…

"Vegeta, did you hear that?" Nappa asked.

"Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!" Vegeta smiled.

"Yeah we're gonna get panties! I mean immortality! Immortality's what I meant! Right Vegeta?"

"…Just get in the damn pod."

On Earth…

"No. I'm here for you, Kakarot,"

"So, what are we gonna do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?" Kakarot asked.

"We're going to conquer this planet, so as to re-found our species and spark a revolution to kill an Alien overlord who probably destroyed our own planet."

"Ew! Well, uh, I don't really want to do that…With my, uh…Sister…I already have Chichi, so…With all due respect?"

Did he just-No. No frickin way he's that stupid. Tamata, before really thinking about this, kneed Kakarot in the chest, sending him into the beach and leaving a sandy crater.

"Not with you!" Tamata rolled her eyes. The Saiyan boy yelled for his father and ran to him, but Tamata plucked him up, "I'll be taking this, yoink! If you won't help me conquer this planet, then your son at least proves my theory about these people. Come find me if you change your mind!"

Tamata took off into the sky, carrying the wriggling and screaming boy in her arm while Kakarot called for them. She sensed the green man passing her earlier. Perhaps she should have killed him on the spot.

Oh well.

She could do that later. She held the boy up to her face.

"Hello little one," she pulled out the DNA extractor she'd used on the farmer, "First, why don't you bleed for Auntie Tamata? It'll only sting for a bit. Then we'll have lots of fun, you and I."

The boy yelled and wriggled harder, unable to break her grasp. She jabbed him with the needle, and he punched her in the face, causing her to drop him. With a single move, she grabbed him by the tail, and hoisted him back up.

"Hold still, you'll only make it hurt more! There! All done! Jeez! Now shut up, you're giving me a headache, kid! Augh! I said shut up! This is gonna be a long flight…"


	2. Episode 2: Happily Ever Aft-oh

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based._

_Google Translate for the win!_

* * *

Tamata stared at the screaming Gohan, her face in her hands while he screamed, and screamed, and screamed.

"Mind if I ask you something? Namekians aren't mammals, they're green, and their parents spit them out as eggs. That kind of make them like Yoshi's, doesn't it?" she asked the screaming child. Gohan just cried, "Yeah. That's a stupid thought."

INTRO TITLE

She groaned at the screaming child, "I have got to think of a way to silence you, child. I'm seriously not going to hurt you. I might hurt your dad, like, a lot. But he'll be fine, I promise, eventually, just STOP. CRYING."

It didn't work.

"I said SHUT UP!"

He still cried.

"SHUT. UP!"

No dice.

"SHUT UP!"

Still not working there, Tamata.

"Dammit why isn't screaming angrily making you cry LESS? Augh! What did dad do when I screamed and threw a tantrum? Well, first he'd smack me around for a bit…Then he…Fed me. Okay. Well, seeing as I hated the beating, we'll skip those," she looked around at all the Emus. A few of them had made a nest where the farmer's corpse would have been had she not unceremoniously vaporized them. A trio of humans were moving the truck, staring at her cautiously. She stared back.

"Hey! You! Humans! Seeing as I just killed your local leader, that kind of makes me your new boss, right?" she yelled to them.

"¿Que?" one of them shouted back, his voice cracking.

"Este niño tiene hambre, y no deja de llorar a menos que yo lo alimento . ¿Puedes conseguir un poco de carne de emú ? Te prometo que no te mataré si lo hace," she told them. They paused and conversed among themselves for a moment, before one of them poked his head out from behind the truck.

"Sí , creo que podemos hacer eso," he told her.

"Gracias," she sat down and looked at her screaming nephew, "See? Dad told me that Space Spanish lessons would never be used. I mean, I guess he kind of had a point, in that I'm supposed to kill the locals, not converse with them? But I like to get to know my conquests before leaving them to wither and dry. It usually validates my callousness."

Gohan just cried.

"All right, until the food gets here, you're going in the time-out pod. I'm too hungry for your shit, kid," she picked him up and tossed him into her space pod, setting it on 'lock' so he wouldn't launch himself to Frieza Planet 419 or some similarly inane location.

"Okay, time to sit back and," her scouter beeped at her, "…Beat the crap out of coming. Great."

"Tamata! Give me back my son!" Kakarot yelled. Was he riding a cloud? Why wasn't he just flying? Does he not know how to fly? Who doesn't know how to fly? What HAPPENED to him? She was going to have to teach him EVERYTHING. Kakarot leaped from his cloud, and landed alongside the green man.

"You're here. And I see you brought the Namekian, as well. Also, I didn't give you my name, how did you know-" she began, but Kakarot shrugged.

"Muffin button."

"…What? Well, it's not like anybody cares about that anyway."

"Well screw you too!" Piccolo tossed off his turban and cape. Tamata's scouter beeped as it registered a marked increased in the Namekian's power level.

"Piccolo, you use weighted training clothing, too?" Kakarot asked.

"No, Goku, I just love getting naked whenever I'm around you," Piccolo rolled his eyes.

"Hey, if you really feel you get a power-up from getting naked in front of each other, that's not my business," Tamata held up her hands.

"We're wearing weighting clothing," Kakarot insisted.

"Riiiight, you do what feels natural, little brother, I won't judge. You just need to be comfortable with who _you_ are, Kakarot," she shrugged, grinning at them. The sound of wind accented the silence.

"So you really ARE here to see your brother get naked?" Piccolo taunted.

"SHUT UP!" Tamata rushed and elbowed them both in the sides, faster than either could react. They managed to land on their feet, a bit of a distance away. She heard her brother shout, 'From Behind!'

"You sure you're not more than just good friends with the Namekian?" she called out as she kicked out at them, knocking them away again, "Of course, maybeif we took a minute to give each other some CONTEXT, we could-"

"Rush him!"

"Dammit Goku! Can we at least TRY to dodge this one?"

"Dodge whaOH JEEZ!"

Tamata floated into the air, and let out a pair of blasts towards both of them. She didn't REALLY need her brother alive. Just bits of him. Not those bits. Any bits. Liver. Stomach. Eye. Brain. Whatever he had that passed for one, anyway…

"Hah! You missed me!" Kakarot shouted. Tamata landed behind him.

"My bad," she kicked him to the ground, and he started to twitch and groan.

"Hey Piccolo, we might be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one! High fiiii-EEEE!" Kakarot gawked at the now one-armed Namekian, "Handsha-…Thumbs u-…G-Good job."

Tamata started to laugh, "Hah! Oh, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm, you can't miss it, it's green! Haha!"

Tamata sort of missed the next bit while Kakarot and his green best buddy chatted. The sight of a one armed Namekian, with bits of his arm laying here and there and there and there and there? It was just too good. Well done, in fact! Hah!

"-for five minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one-Well, I'm sure you can handle it," she finally caught the Namekian telling Kakarot.

"Wow you really have that much faith in me?"

"…Yeah, sure. Why not."

"Well, then I won't disappoint you! Here goes nothing!" Kakarot charged at her, "Ready or not, here I –AH! OW! OOF!"

Kakarot really shouldn't have done that. It was a pretty bad idea, as far as bad ideas went. To be fair, he didn't really know why she was here. She'd wanted to tell him, really, she did. It's just hard to establish a meaningful dialogue when you're getting hit on, or people assume you're some kind of deviant pervert. The gay jokes may have gone a bit far, but what did he expect from his big sister? A gentle ribbing, at least!

Speaking of ribs, she felt a few crack as she punched him in the chest. She seized up as a pain surged through her body, starting at the tip of her tail and surging all the way up her spine.

"Hah! Got your tail!" Kakarot announced. So he knew that trick; of all the dirty, low-end, malicious attacks…She was kind of proud of him.

"Okay! Okay! Please, let me go!" she wheezed.

"Well…Since you asked nicely…" his grasp loosened.

"Did you really just fall for that?" she laughed, and the beating resumed. This one was sort of a friendly smack-around, one that helped catch them up on years of separation. He screamed for Piccolo, and she lamented a bit. In that moment, however, he reached out and…

"Hah! Got your tail! Again!" he announced.

"Why did I let you do that TWICE? Please let me go?"

"I'm not falling for that again!" Kakarot insisted.

"…Pretty please let me go?"

"Well…"

This next beating was not quite so friendly. She landed with one foot on his chest.

"Ow my ribs!"

"You're very cunning, attacking someone roughly four times your power level. No, wait, what's the opposite of that?" Tamata tsked at Kakarot.

"Retarded?" Piccolo offered.

"Yes, thank you," Tamata sighed, "Now, disregarding the Namekian, I-"

"Ah-ah, a Yoshi." Kakarot corrected.

"I'm not a god damn Yoshi!"

Tamata pressed her foot on Kakarot's chest, cutting off his query with a scream.

"It's time you and I had a heart to heart, little brother, before this gets too out of hand."

"No…No, those are my ribs Hear-AH! My ribs! I think you broke my-Mmmm…Ribs…"

"Oh, I think you just went into shock…Fine, I'll kill the Namekian, then we'll talk."

The scouter went off-again, pointing to a surge of power behind her. Not the Namekian, though it was the-

She watched as her pod spewed upward in a geyser of parts and metal and fabric, with her nephew flying into the air.

"No! My space pod!" her only way off this planet, and all the precious data she'd collected for this mission, gone, in an instant! The child fell directly at her, striking his head against her belly, cracking her armor.

"No! My space armor!" the blow sent her reeling back.

"We get it you're from space!" the Namekian called out. The Saiyan boy landed next to his father, who stared at him in shock and wonder. Mostly shock. Definitely medical shock.

"G-Gohan?" Kakarot managed to wheeze, "What…Was that?"

"Daddy!" Gohan cheered.

"No, seriously, what the hell was that?! We were getting slaughtered out there and you could do tha-Oh, crap…"

Tamata stood above the boy, clutching at her armor, one of her few personal possessions. There was a little part of her brain that reminded her of all the smackdowns and punishments she'd received from her father. How much she resented the 'toughening up' he had put her through over the years. All the hours spent crying in her room, until eventually she learned to keep it inside, concealed, not feeling.

How she had promised she wouldn't do that to her nephew.

The rest of her didn't listen.

_Author's note: I do not condone child violence, nor do I find it particularly humorous. However, I have source material to work with, so we're just going to run with what they've got._

"Wait! Hold on!" Kakarot reached towards the boy.

"Oh, what, mister shattered ribs is going to stop me?" she snarled, stalking over to the boy. That voice in the back of her head got a little louder with very step. She was not here to kill Kakarot, or his son. She did, on the other hand, already have the boy's genetic information. She didn't really need him.

"You don't understand! Nothing you could do could ever compare to what Chichi would do to me if she found out he died!" Kakarot pleaded as Tamata raised her hand, which sparked with a pink charge of electricity.

"Well, sucks to be you," she shrugged. An image popped into her head. A memory, of Bardock shaking his head at a training hall, while another Saiyan boy punched and kicked her around the arena, all of his lessons amounting to nothing more than an angry and scared little girl. Nothing had been learned.

She lowered her hand. She couldn't do this to her own-

"FULL NELSON!"

Her brother had grabbed her from behind, locking his hand around her belly.

"A full nelson? That won't stop me! I'm Tamata!" she struggled against the grip. She was going to beat him until he stopped moving, wait till he woke up, and then beat him around some more, until he finally had no choice but to sit there and _listen._

"Okay, let go!" she demanded, and fidgeted more, "Seriously this is starting to PISS ME OFF!"

"Piccolo!" Kakarot cried out.

"Ready!" the alien replied.

"Just remember to give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind her!"

Tamata wasn't sure what the Namekian said, but he then started laughing maniacally while she struggled against Kakarot's grip. Evil laughter was usually not a good sign.

"Well okay, as long as we're clear on that," Kakarot muttered. Tamata looked at the Namekian, to see his finders glowing yellow.

"Oh…This was a…Distraction…I should have thought of that…" she said, "Wait a minute…I'm taller and stronger than Kakarot…"

Tamata knelt while the Namekian tried finding the right name for his attack-why he had to shout he she had no idea-and leaned forward, picking Kakarot up off the ground and turning her side towards the Namekian, who finally fired his attack. She felt the heat sear through her arm and along her back, and then…Well, not a whole lot after that. She was kind of numb. She couldn't feel her right arm, though. And Kakarot had finally let go, thank god. That Full Nelson was…Obnoxious and annoying. Where was her scouter? Also, where was her arm? She had it at the end of her shoulder earlier that day. It couldn't have gone far.

"Dammit…I…Almost got out of there…" she lamented as the Namekian stood above her. She saw her arm off in the distance. There it was!

"You know, you could have flown," Piccolo said.

"Oh. Damn you, hindsight…" she held up her other arm, and coughed something up. Everything was feeling a bit woozy. She should…Take a nap…

Should she?

"Goku! After several hours of debating, we have decided you might need our…Ah, crap," the bald one's voice could be heard over a loudspeaker on some flying vehicle. Huh. Didn't know these humans were that advanced.

"Oh no," Tamata wheezed, "Not…Not gonna lay here dying to listen to him make jokes…About my tits…"

"WHAT? You're still ALIVE?!" Piccolo shouted.

"SHE'S STILL ALIVE? OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP!" the bald one screamed, as the car started flying erratically.

"Yeah. Can't really feel my anything but…I got…One more…Trick for you."

"No, no, no!"

"Suuuuper…"

"NO NO NO!"

"Jet!"

"HELLLLL NO NO NO!"

"BLAST!" Tamata held up her arm-the one she still had, right? The left one? Or the right one? Or the one in the middle? Wait she didn't have one of those. Either way, she held up an arm, attached or no, and used what energy she still had left to propel her along the ground, away from the Namekian and her brother and her nephew, and towards the mountain range nearby. Her energy quickly depleted while she floated in midair. Well, more like fell towards a frozen wasteland.

That snow looked comfy.

She wondered if it was cold.

Snow usually was.

She landed.

She didn't remember much after that.


	3. Episode 3: Die Some Other Time

p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And the Abridged series, upon which this is based./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Those people know comedy./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Darkness. But surprisingly, no cold./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She landed in snow. Or died before than. Or landed in snow and then died. She should be cold. Wasn't death cold? It wasn't warm, either. Just sort of…Normal. Not great. Not bad./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, hell, am I in purgatory? Am I dead?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hey, kid," she heard a voice call to her. She turned around, to see her father./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""OH! Jeez, why are you naked? She looked away./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I CAN SEE THE FUTURRRE!" a second voice called out./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sorry, kiddo. Pantsless is the way I gotta come back for this one," Bardock said./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""MY RACE RETURNS MYSTERIOUSLY….IN THE FUTURRRRRE!" the voice added./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She looked at them. Some alien with a fish face stood next to Bardock, also naked. Conspicuously, Bardock had a red headband around his head./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wait why do you have that thing if you don't have any pants?" she pointed to it./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I have no idea. They insisted on no pants. Anyway, Tamata, I need you to listen to me-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I mean if they're going to take all your clothes they might as well take that too."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""THE SAIYAN LEGEND RETURNS…IN THE FUTURRRRRE!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Can I kill him? Please?" Tamata pleaded./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I already tried that. Just ignore him. And I don't make the rules about pants. You have to listen to me, Tamata. Your plan, it's going to-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wakey wakey," a new voice called out. Bardock and his alien companion vanished. Tamata's eyes opened, and her hand lurched out, grabbing an elderly human by the throat./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"INTRO TITLE/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The human had a thick moustache, and bushy hair that fell to his back. He was wrinkly all over with sharp blue eyes. Behind him were a pair of pods marked '17' and '18.' She felt the flesh and bone move under her fingers./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You just woke me up from a conversation with my-" she began. The human held up a remote and mashed a button. Electricity ran up her spine, causing most of her muscles to seize, and she began to writhe on the slab./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The old man coughed and dry-heaved until he could breathe again./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Twenty…One…You will obey!" he held up the remote./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Twenty one? Twenty one what?" she sat up as the electricity subsided./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You-cough!-You are Cyborg Twenty One. It has taken me almost a year. But so far, you are my greatest creation! And…With this, my most obedient!" he held up the remote. She scowled at it./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You have no idea who I am, do you?" she demanded./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""On the contrary I know /spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"exactly/spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" who you /spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"were./spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" You were Tamata, a Saiyan, the older sister of Son Goku, my arch nemesis. And now you are Cyborg Twenty One."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata looked down at her hands. She had two. Didn't she lose one of them? She felt different, in so many ways, few of which she could describe. There was a part of her back that felt…Distant. Like her armor feeling as if it were still there, when she wasn't wearing it./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Cyborg Twenty One? What are you talking about?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You were near death, injured and bleeding. Frostbitten in the snow, but I, Doctor Gero, have rebuilt you, stronger and more powerful than ever! And together, we will have our revenge upon your brother by slaughtering him and all his friends!" the human started to laugh./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I don't want to kill Kakarot."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hah-what?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I don't want to kill Kakarot. I mean, I wanted to in the heat of the moment, but that's not why I'm here. I don't want to kill my brother. He's the only family I have left. Well, except for Turles, but he's a jackass, so I don't really count him."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Why not?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Listen, Doctor Geriatric, I came to Earth to bring back my species with my brother."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Gross!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""NOT what I meant! Your species, the Humans, I suspected were genetically compatible with my own, the Saiyans. I have spent the last four years gathering the materials I need to inject every human in the world with Saiyan genetic material, allowing me to become Queen of a revitalized Saiyan race, so that we might rise up against the tyrant that destroyed our homeworld, and we can establish the Saiyan hegemony that our foolish King Vegeta refused to create! And I was HOPING to get my brother's HELP in conquering the planet first," she explained, "But that doesn't seem like it's going to happen because he's an IDIOT."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""He is, isn't he. How did you intend to turn the humans in Saiyans? That's…A significant goal to achieve," Dr. Gero asked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""How did you intend to kill Kakarot with a bunch of robots?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Cyborgs!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Whatever."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""These Cyborgs are biomechanical marvels, a pure integration of machine and man! And Saiyan! They are far beyond whatever new tricks Son Goku and his friends have up their sleeves! Cyborg Seventeen and Eighteen were my greatest creations, though they have proven…Troublesome to control."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What makes you think I'll be any help?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You hate Son Goku as much as I do!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""…Right. Again. Don't want to kill my brother. But the more Saiyan DNA I have, the easier this will be, so unless you happen to have some on hand, I'll just be going now."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Ah-ah-ah! I control your body! I control YOU, Twenty One!" Gero flashed the remote at her. She reached out, and snatched it from the old man's hand./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""This remote that controls my body? Right," she crushed it in her fist, "Like I said. I'll be going now. Been a real blast. Thanks for the biomechanical replacements."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I-I-Wait! You said you needed Saiyan DNA?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She stopped and turned to him, "Yes?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I don't know how you intend on turning humans into Saiyans, but-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She sighed, "Not the humans. Their /spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"children./spanspan style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" People breathe in or drink my contagion, it changes their genetic 'donations' into Saiyan DNA. People do what they do when they get it on, and when they have babies, their babies have tails. Frieza won't know what hit him once they've grown up and are ready for war. He has no idea that I've ever been here."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well if it's Saiyan DNA you want, I can help. I've been collecting samples for decades of Goku and his friend's genetics! Help me destroy them, and all I have is yours! But if you had the Dragonballs…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""The Dragon's what now?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""The Dragonballs. Seven magical artifacts that, when assembled together, grant that person one wish! Immortality, resurrecting the dead, eternal youth…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, yeah, Kakarot mentioned those. Superstition of the local barbarians."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, no, I've seen them used, several times. Mostly by Goku and his friends. The dragon seems...Rather irritated by them, actually. But if you had the Dragonballs, you could just wish your entire race back into existence! I once dedicated my life to finding them so that I could dominate the world! But now I just mostly dedicate my time to trying to kill Goku. Which, now that he's dead-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wait, Kakarot's dead? Then WHY do you need me to kill him?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, well, Goku's dead, but his friends are just as responsible. I want you to kill them! Kill them, and Goku's DNA is yours!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata stared at the old human for a moment. Seriously? Just...Kill a few guys? She nearly did that anyway before, couldn't be hard to do now./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Fine. Who do I need to murder?" she sighed, "Well, when you say you need 'Saiyan Genetic Material', how much are we talking? What aren't you telling me?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""DODGE!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""AAAAH!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"SMACK/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Piccolo stared at Gohan, who gawked back, tense and backing away./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Come on, Kid, just move, get out the way!" Piccolo groaned, and moved in for another punch, stopping inches from Gohan's face. He looked to the sky, mouth agape, overcome by the sudden and familiar power that was quickly approaching their location./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No! No, it can't be! That's-That's impossible!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What is it, Mr. Piccolo?" Gohan asked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Get behind me, Gohan! Hide, find cover!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""...Which one? Get behind you, hide, or find cover?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yes!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata landed before the Namekian, arms crossed, "I'm gonna have to ask you to not smack around my nephew, thanks."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, yeah, like you're Auntie of the year? What do you want?" Piccolo demanded./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well, you, dead, for one. My nephew not being smacked around, for two. All your comrades in arms brutally murdered and broken for three," she admitted, "The usual."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Now is not a good time!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well I imagine any time is an inconvenient time to get slaughtered. Like when you killed my brother, just when I needed him most. And after all that work I did to soften him up so he would start listening, too. You're been a major pain in my ass, and I'm sick of getting delayed, so I'mma kill you now, okay?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're not gonna touch him!" Gohan declared, stepping in front of Piccolo./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Gohan no!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Listen, kid, I made a deal. Someone wants Big Green here dead, and so do I, so there's really not much you can do to stop me. I'm not keen on beating up little kids, but it's not beneath me at this point, either. So step aside, boy, there's no reason for you to get hurt, too."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm not gonna let you hurt Mister Piccolo! We need him!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""For what? Blowing holes in the last, desperate members of our dying race?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yes, actually," Piccolo remarked, "Two more Saiyans are on their way here to steal our Dragonballs."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh. Great. Well. Well, you're all boned. What's your plan?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Train, wait a year, get the Dragonballs and wish back Goku, and fight them when they get here."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well, if you train hard enough, you might live long enough to know that you don't stand a damn chance, Namekian. You can't possibly win in a straight-up battle against them, not even Kakarot."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well I don't see any bright ideas from you!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""That's because you haven't asked me my bright idea. I have one, by the way."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh yeah what is it?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""It involves monkeys. Oh, by the way, I'm taking Gohan, bye."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wait wha-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata grabbed Gohan by the collar of his shirt and flew off./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hey get back here! Using Gohan for world domination is MY plan!" Piccolo shouted after her./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Let me go! You can't just kidnap me! That's cruel!" Gohan shouted./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""How did you come to train under the Namekian?" she asked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""He...Kidnapped me…?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata sighed, "Listen, getting smacked around isn't a good way to train. All it teaches you is what it feels like to get smacked around. Trust me, I know what that's like. You don't learn from it. It doesn't make you strong, it only reminds you how pathetic you are."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata landed, and set Gohan down, "Now listen, kid. This place, these people? This planet? They're important. You are an example of everything I've been striving to achieve, and I won't put this place or its inhabitants at risk, even if it means having to fight the only people left in the galaxy that I have anything in common with."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""So, are you saying that, in the past few months since you've come here, you've grown to appreciate life, Earth, and its inhabitants, finding a new home on our tiny blue marble in the universe?" Gohan asked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What? Hell no, the Humans can create half-breed Saiyans which will allow me to reliably dilute the gene pool without losing primary characteristics of our species. You, my mongrel nephew, are proof that I've been right all along, and that I'm not a member of a doomed species, killed because nobody thought to colonize more than one damn planet."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yeah that sounds like a bit of a downer."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;" /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 10pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You have no idea. Now, kid, show me what you got."/span/p 


	4. Episode 4: Existential Crisis

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based._

_Who have seriously been doing this show for over six years now._

"I can't believe Goku had a sister, I wish he'd told me before!" Chi-Chi placed a pot of rice on the table, "It's been so wonderful having you bring back my Gohan, I haven't seen him this happy in months! Or at all, because of that damn green pri-"

"Well, uh, to be fair...I am sort of responsible for Kakarot's death, and, uh, kidnapped...Him to be...Begin with…" Tamata admitted. Chi-Chi glared. Tamata smiled, "But it's always good to spend time with family, right, Gohan?"

"You have serious issues," Gohan told her.

"You have no idea."

INTRO TITLE

_Months have passed, and Tamata has brought Gohan home, to train him in the ways of the Saiyans, and, for whatever reason, further his education, because, yeah, sure, that'll help him train for the genocidal super-beings intent on eradicating the planet._

"Oh come on you're the ONE person who actually knows what I'm up to!"

_Yeah well you break the flow of the show._

"Isn't that the point? I'm not here to coddle these idiots by letting them do whatever it is they were up to, I'm here to break the mold, create new solutions and present a new point of view. You know what? I don't have to take this. There are other narrators. I'm appealing to the author."

_Wait, what? You can't do that!_

"The hell I can't! Hey! Writer-man! We gotta talk about this narrator. I gotta put up with enough crap from the rest of the cast, I don't need an omniscient, disembodied voice acting like just because I'm a fan-written genderswap, I can't contribute to the franchise."

((Well to be fair this isn't exactly one of my better pieces.))

_Wait you can talk?_

((I mean yeah it's my fanfiction I can do whatever I want. See?))

_I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout._

"Well, if you can genderswap me, you can genderswap the narrator, or something!"

((I mean, the narrator's part of the show, and you were really the only thing I intended to change, and just sort of see where everything went.))

"Please, let's be real you don't really care about continuity. I mean, come on, I bring Gohan back to his hometown? Why would I even care about Gohan?"

((You wanted to keep him safe, protecting the only basis for your plan to resurrect your species? Also because you wanted to be involved in a home life that was based on love, however corrupted, rather than the overbearing machismo hyper-masculine culture that has long repressed you, judging you entirely on your gender and cultural station, both of which have no scientific basis and is shaped only on the prejudices of existing institutions that you have taken upon yourself to rebel against?))

Tamata stared at the sky.

"I still want a new narrator."

((Oh what are you gonna do, strike? Make me find a new Tamata? Oh please.))

Tamata scowled, and took a breath.

"I'll write reviews on all your other fanfictions."

Silence.

((You drive a hard bargain, fictional character of my own creation. And you have a deal.))

_Wait what? No! You can't do this to me!_

_Hi! I'm the new narrator! Where were we?_

_No! This isn't possible, I'm the narrator from the show, you can't replace me!_

_Yeah, well, I'm the narrator of everything else the author's written since 2014, and I'm being brought in to replace you. So, if you would, hand over the script and your notes, and clear out your desk by three, all right? _

_You bi-_

((All right, yeah, I see your point, Tamata, this guy's gotta go.))

_Woah! Hey! Put me down! I'm the narrator! That's like firing the narrator from the Stanley Parable! YOU NEED ME! DO YOU HEAR ME! I'LL BE BACK!_

((Sorry about that.))

_No problem. These things happen._

((All right, so while I have you here, what do you think of the Yamcha ship? I'm still undecided, I mean, he's not really different from the rest of the cast, just weak.))

_I mean I know what you have planned for it, and I think it's good but it needs work. It just doesn't fit well, especially with the way things turn out with the Bulma-Vegeta thing. I don't think it's an overnight ship sort of deal, the characters wouldn't let any of them down if you really think about how they'd react in the show to a pairing like that._

"Wait are you talking about shipping ME? With some guy called Yamcha? I gotta admit, I'm not comfortable with that."

_Yeah it gets real weird once you break the fourth wall._

((Super awkward, but listen, what I've got in mind, he turns out to be a really sweet guy. Very supportive, but it's a journey for him. He goes through a lot, and you two find strength in one another. It's a bit sappy, but not sickeningly so. Also, he's super cute.))

"Huh. That does sound pretty good, actually. But I'm just not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, and I don't like the idea of one being forced on me."

((Yeah, I know, I hear you. I don't want to force anything on you, either, which is why I asked for feedback on the idea. On the one hand, he sticks pretty closely to the fragile masculinity trope. But on the other hand, that kind of plays into what I had in mind, with Yamcha's 'Feminist awakening' making him a better-and even stronger-person, and character, rather than the bit role he is in the show and in the, um, show.

But let's be real, this whole thing is about you, Tamata. Like I said, you were the only thing I intended to change, and I want you to be there for all the major events. I want to illustrate how, with more diverse representation, DBZ could have had stronger characters and less formula. Break the mold and get a flood of content sort of thing.))

_You're getting a bit preachy here._

((Shit, yeah, I know, and I didn't want to do that, either. Sorry, I'm talking a whole bunch and dominating this conversation, please, I want to know what you think. You both are a part of this, too.))

"Well I like the idea of more Saiyan women. There's not a lot of us in the history books, and that really sucks."

_And also, the only character change is the narrator and one villain-turned-protagonist? You can make more changes than that._

((Yeah but the point of the fic is-))

_Who cares? Have fun with the characters, do something new! People have been watching Dragonball Z for literally over twenty years. The franchise could do with some shaking up. Just not too much, or we end up with a Dragonball Evolution._

"What's that?"

((You don't want to know. All right, well, what kind of changes? Make Freeza actually a woman instead of the whole androgynous thing?))

"What about a new plotline?"

((Eh I'm not that invested.))

"Oh good to know the entity that controls my entire existence cares so damn much."

((Listen you're just gonna get forgotten about in like, three days, and sit around until I *might* update you in like two years, so don't be too snide. Enjoy the time you've got.))

_Well how about expanding on an existing plotline?_

((The Freeza Saga's pretty well paced and the Majin Buu sagas are insufferable.))

_That leaves the Android-Cell sagas, doesn't it? You've already introduced Gero early._

((That's a good point. But we're starting to get into spoiler territory. We should get back to the fic.))

_All right, so where were we again?_

"I just kidnapped Gohan from Piccolo."

_Right. What were you going to do?_

"Bring him back home, train with him?"

_Hmmm. That needs more explanation, we should do an episode on that._

((Hey aren't I the one writing this thing?))

_I'm just Saiyan._

"That's not funny."

((It's really not.))

_Oh come on they do it in the show!_

((It's not funny there either. Which is the joke.))

_Oh. Okay, well, still. We should start with Tamata bringing Gohan home._

((Yeah that's a good point, let's start there.))

INTRO TITLE


	5. Episode 5: A Family that Trains Together

p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And the Abridged series, upon which this is based./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Mahogany./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"- /span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata landed with Gohan in one hand before the boy's home./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're...Bringing me home? Why?" Gohan asked. Tamata let him down./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Because, Gohan, you have something that few Saiyans ever have had."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What's that?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Something resembling stability. Remember how powerful I was in comparison. Now imagine how powerful Vegeta and Nappa are. They had formal training, resources, people dedicated to their betterment. It's one thing to push yourself, remove all distractions and focus entirely on developing your power, but there's more than one way to achieve power."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""And what's that?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Knowledge."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan's eyes went wide, "No way."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""So on top of training, and learning how to fight like a true Saiyan warrior-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No, no, no!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You are going to hit the datapads-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""NO NO NO NO!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""And the training mat."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""...What?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Ever hear of Space Chess Boxing?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""...Space Chess?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""And Space Boxing. Well, more like Space MMA./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well, here, we just call them Chess and MMA."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wow, so it's not Earth Chess or Earth MMA? Self-centered pricks. Like, wow, way to assume the whole damn universe revolves around you, I mean, seriously! Nobody's even heard of Ee-arth, but obviously you're all special enough that you're the standard, aren't you!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Umm…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Arrogant little half-monkeys."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"INTRO TITLE/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Gohan? GOHAN! You're back!" Chi-Chi was suddenly upon her son, squeezing him./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hi-GYURK! Mom! It's-Cough-Good to see you, too!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're going right back to the books and we'll have that GPS tracking chip in your neck by the end of the week!" she promised./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Uh, hello, erm, human-woman," Tamata said. Chi-Chi looked up./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, hello! Are you the one who brought my baby boy back to me?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I am."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, thank you, thank you, stranger! It's so good to find that there are people out there with some common decency!" Chi-Chi bowed repeatedly to her./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Uh, yeah. No problem…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""She's also my evil aunt who kidnapped me to begin with," Gohan pointed out. Chi-Chi's beaming switched to a cold, hard glare, and she hissed,/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Say what?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""And she wants to train me to fight alongside her against her mercenary comrades," he continued./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Is that a fact?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""And is responsible for Dad's death."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chi-Chi's aura was that of a cold, purple flame. Tamata's expression remained stoic and nonplussed as she shrugged, and said,/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm also an accomplished multi-discliplinary scientist and accomplished engineer with specializations in applied and theoretical physics, with numerous interstellar certifications and several well-regarded patents. I understand you're looking for a tutor for Gohan?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chi-Chi's glare melted, "What, I couldn't possibly afford-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Please, we're family, I couldn't possibly charge you. After all," Tamata looked down at the shuddering Gohan and grinned, "What's more important than the learning of our children?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well, why didn't you say so! Welcome to the family!" Chi-Chi chirped, "Are you hungry?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Famished."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Excellent, if you're anything like your brother you'll be eating up a storm in no time flat! And I'll show you what books I've been having Gohan read, you can get started today!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I have a particular curriculum in mind," Tamata assured her, "One of the things I wanted to talk to you about. Over dinner, of course."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Certainly! Come on, Gohan, let's prepare a room for your auntie-ah...I didn't catch your name."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Tamata, and yours?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm Chi-Chi. I have to say it's been terribly difficult since Goku died and Gohan disappeared."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""But mom! She killed dad!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hush, Gohan, your father will be back as soon as his friends gather the Dragonballs. If we turned away every person who's ever fought your father, then we'd have no friends at all."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""But-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata interjected, "It's quite alright, Gohan. I don't expect you to accept these changes right away. It's a big change for all of us, what with your dad gone, my taking a larger role in the family. But over time, we'll come to appreciate each other, and before you know it, we won't even recall why we were mad at each other to begin with."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You punched me in the side of my head."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're right. I was angry that you broke my things, but that was no excuse to express my anger by hitting you."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Okay, that was a massive tone shift with you right there."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Just give it a chance, Gohan. We have a lot to do in a short amount of time. Would you rather be spending these months at home, reminding you of what you're fighting for, or with a green alien screaming 'DODGE' at you?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan shuddered./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Dinnertiiiime!" Chi-Chi called out./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh I hope she cooked bear hands!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You mean bear claws?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chi-Chi did not, in fact, cook bear hands, but that didn't stop Tamata from eating consuming heaps of food no less impressively than her brother. In fact, to Chi-Chi's astonishment and horror, she began eating with her bare hands, until Gohan poked her with his chopsticks, clacking them together to indicate she should use them. Tamata held up the chopsticks, and proceeded to stab her food with them. Inefficient and uncouth, but it worked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Tamata, that's not how you use those…" Gohan pointed out, reaching to grab her hand. Before he could react, she stabbed a chopstick into the table between his hand and her food./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Okay nevermind, we'll work on that some other time," he squeaked, and she kept eating./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Gohan, you know not to get between your father and his food, why would you think it would be any different with your aunt?" Chi-Chi pointed out./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""That's a good point," he admitted, and tucked into his own bowls./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""So, Tamata, what were you thinking for Gohan's tutoring?" Chi-Chi asked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wew," Tamata said, her cheeks stuffed full of noodles and dumplings, "I'm not sure if anyone told you, but your, erm, late husband is an alien."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chi-Chi sighed, "I always knew he was from another world…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamta swallowed, "Which makes Gohan a half-Saiyan, half-Human. His mind and his body are intimately connected. I'm sure that you've seen Gohan restless and fidgety. The truth is, if you want Gohan to be properly stimulated, and to truly understand the world, he has to experience it in a way few creatures can. In order for Gohan to get the education he needs, he must exercise his mind and body, at once, as once."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chi-Chi scowled, "Are you suggesting that my son can only learn how to fight?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh no. I'm saying fighting and studying, together, will make him smarter. Stimulate his brain, allowing him to retain and apply his studies in a way books alone cannot. It's how my father taught me."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Planet Vegeta, ten years ago/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""DESCRIBE THE SIZE OF THE MAGNETIC DIPOLE OF A LEPTON!" Bardock screamed, throwing punches at Tamata while she blocked, ducked, and weaved./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""THE DIMENSIONLESS MAGNETIC MOMENT OF THE PARTICLE TIMES THE FRACTION OF MAGNETIC CHARGE TIMES THE PLANCK CONSTANT DIVIDED BY THE SQUARE OF THE PARTICLE'S MASS!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""WRONG!" Bardock punched her through a mountain./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Though I plan on being far more measured about it. Trust me, a properly physically and intellectually stimulated Saiyan will outpace anyone in their chosen fields. It's a shame nobody caught onto it, maybe we wouldn't be a race of idiots…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What?" Gohan said./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I said I'll have you passing your national tests in less than a year."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh delightful!" Chi-Chi declared, "Just so long as you're not dragging him off to God knows where to fight God knows what, I think this is going to work out just fine!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yeah!...We're...Yeah, that...Shouldn't...Be a problem, at all. Yeah. Hey got any more of those stuffed goey bread things?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Dumplings?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yeah those things."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"And so, Gohan's new training under his aunt began the next day, filled with math, science, triple feint kicks, and ki blasts. You know what this means: MONTAGE!/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan was on a cliff face with a pencil and paper, sketching pterodactyl babies, while the babies pecked at him./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan picked up mollusks off the seafloor while sharks nipped at his feet./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan recorded and interpreted traffic patterns while balancing on top of a traffic light./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Gohan predicted velocity and direction of falling boulders, while falling on top of them./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"-/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Now Gohan. Fighting is not just raw power, speed, or strength. Some warriors will boast of honor or pride, but ultimately, none of these things matter but victory. To defeat your enemy, they must be crushed, unable to provide you a challenge, but you must also survive. And so, today, we are going to teach you the nature of ravines," Tamata explained as she flew him over a gorge./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""That looks more like a GOOOOOOORGE!" he screamed as she dumped him into the formations below./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Now Gohan! By the time you manage to crawl out of there, I want you to find each of your textbooks, which are scattered throughout. And I expect you to pass the quizzes on chapter four of each one by the time we get back home. Oh, and if I find you before then, we get to do it alllll over again, understand?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Panting and wheezing, Gohan crawled out of the crevasse./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No," he snarled. Tamata raised her eyebrows./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Say again?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I said no. I'm not doing it! The only difference between training under you and training under Mr. Piccolo is that when Mr. Piccolo threw rocks at me he wasn't demanding I recite magnetic properties of subatomic particles! I've had it! I'm not putting up with this anymore, I want to go home!" he sniffed, "I want to see my mommy!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Tamata studied the boy who was struggling to keep his composure, remaining defiant and strong in the face of an incomparably strong opponent./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hit me."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Huh?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'll take you home, right now, to a nice, warm meal cooked by your mother, if you manage to land one punch on me. I promise won't hit you back, but if you can land a hit on me, we'll go home. Or, you can crawl back into the crevasse, find your books, and study chapter four of each of them, and then we'll go home then. The choice is-"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""RRRRRAAAAUGH!" Gohan flew in for a headbutt, but Tamata stopped out of the way. Gohan jumped towards her, kicking while she blocked, ducked, and weaved./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Your self-righteous manipulations and callous outlook highlighted by your hypocrisies indicates fundamental self-loathing narcissist personality deficiencies imprinted on those weaker than you!" Gohan said./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Say again?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're a stuck-up b***h!" he fired a Masenko at her, the explosion kicking up the dirt in a great brown cloud. Gusts of wind quickly dissipated it, revealing her jacket and shirt half-burned off and a black burn mark on her belly./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Ack…That hurt…" she admitted./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh! I...I did it! Hah! I did it!" Gohan cheered, and laughed. Tamata began to laugh,a s well, until her cackle overcame his./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You're getting further than I thought. Only been a couple of months, Gohan," she said, and she stood straight, "That one actually stung."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wait...So it didn't…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Actually damage me? No. And neither of us are still as powerful as the Saiyans who are headed here. That's why I'm pushing you, Gohan. That's why every lesson is one in discomfort, why I'm forcing you to learn while acting. It will take so much more power to defeat them than we could possibly gather in the time we have."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""So...What you're saying is, you're not teaching me how to fight them on their own terms, you're teaching me how to fight on my own?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Precisely. They will always force you to act on their terms. If they get close and hurting you, learn every detail you can as quickly as possible. If they hit you, learn their pattern. If they're flying at you, calculate their velocity and direction. Hide and search in a ravine. Use every scrap of knowledge you have to get the upper hand. Fight smarter, because there will always be someone more powerful, no matter what you do."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yeah...Yeah, okay…"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""But having speed, strength, and power helps, like, a lot. So does pain tolerance. But you're a boy. You're only five. There's only so much you can do. But you, me, and the Green one are all we have to defeat the Saiyans."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well, there's my dad's friends! Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, and Chiaotsu!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You, me, and the Green one are all we have to defeat the Saiyans."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""That's fair. Wait, no, my dad! He's training, too! We're gonna wish him back with the Dragonballs!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hmm, yeah. And if he's training as hard as the rest of us, he just might have the raw power to pull it off. Yeah. We might stand a chance against them, then! And we're only a couple of weeks away. Tell you what. Let's take a day off. Rest up, and we're gonna work on a plan, Gohan. Just...Don't tell your mother. She thinks I'm training you because fighting stimulates brain activity in Saiyans."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well...You are, aren't you?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""It is true, and our family's pretty brainy to begin with."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""W-We are? But what about my dad?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I mean, hitting your head when you're a baby...That can cause a lot of damage, even for a Saiyan. But my dad was an accomplished scientist and engineer, and my mother was a chemist. Mostly because it taught her how to cook in new and interesting ways, but, hey, cooking's chemistry. Come on, Gohan. Let's head home."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What about my books?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What's the size of the magnetic dipole of a lepton?"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""The g-factor time the fraction of the magnetic charge times the Planck constant divided by the square of the particle's mass?" he offered./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Close enough. I got that one wrong, too. It's four times the mass, not square."/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Ohhhhh!"/span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 5pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;" /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 5pt;"span style="font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Yeah, you'll be fine."/span/p 


	6. Episode 6: Patty-Cake Championship 2016

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based._

_Yes, Nappa, we're here._

"Stupid Saiyans always thwarting my plans and leaving me in these wastelands! Augh! Why is my life so HARD!" Piccolo fired another blast at a mountain, "Bad enough that I'm this green slug-demon thing, but now I can't even look after one measly kid! Augh what is wrong with

"-Oh hey I got a friend request. Tamata? She's the reason I'm in this mess! There's no way I'm accepting her request! All of this is her fault! I don't care how lonely I am!"

Piccolo's defiance echoed, heard by no one but himself.

"Oh, who am I kidding."

INTRO TITLE

"So," Piccolo stood on the plateau, arms crossed, facing Tamata. They stared at each other, the tension building as neither made the first move; a contest of wills, patience, and discipline.

Or, rather, an awkward staring contest. The wind blew dust by.

"We're going to need your help fighting the Saiyans, Namekian."

"Oh, let me guess, you want me to train the boy in the, what, week and a half we have left?"

"What? No, Gohan's training is more or less as far as it's going to get, another week's not going to make a difference. Not when we have to prepare for the fight itself. I don't like our chances of just standing around fighting them one by one like a bunch of jackasses. If we're gonna win this fight we're going to have to fight dirty."

"So, like, more full nelsons?"

"Something like that. Do you have any wasteland locations that you're intimately familiar with the topography of?"

Piccolo stared.

"Maybe a remote location where you spend most of your free time?"

Piccolo stared.

"Perhaps an isolated stretch of land that-"

"You know I'm fairly certain you're making fun of me, but I can't decide if this is just one of those unintentionally insulting things because you're a tone-deaf moron like your brother, or if you're just getting in as many blows as you can before I react."

"Oh I'm definitely insulting you," she admitted, "We should practice our plan in an area where we have the home field advantage as much as possible."

"What are you planning, exactly?"

"Well since coming to Earth I've learned how to sense energy. Vegeta and Nappa, however, will not. If we're patient, and clever, we can use hit and hide techniques on them as much as possible, instead of out in the open with plenty of room for them to fly around where they have the advantage."

"And what if they just start exploding everything around us and level the whole region?"

"Then they'll wear themselves out, and any of us who survive won't have to contend with fully-powered Saiyans. Either way, if I can get into physical contact with either one, I have a couple of dirty tricks up my sleeve."

"Ominous. Let's hear what you've got."

"Gohan, on your guard! They're coming right towards us!" Piccolo declared.

"Why would they be headed our way, again?" Gohan asked.

"They're seeking to eliminate the strongest power level."

"But Tamata is a cyborg, she can't be sensed, and my dad's dead..."

"Yeah I'm kind of wondering about that. But I was referring to me!"

"Oh. Well by that logic I suppose you would have the strongest sense-able power level on Earth."

A distant "Hah!" echoed through the mountain range.

Krillin began to descend from the sky towards them, "Hi, guys. Krillin's here!"

Piccolo grinned, "Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you've increased your power since we last met."

Krillin beamed, "I know! Isn't it great? I—"

"You're almost as strong as Gohan now."

"I… wait. B-but he's only five?"

"It's because I'm a Saiyan!" Gohan exclaimed.

"Speaking of Saiyans, I heard that Tamata's still around. Is she…"

"Getting ready for the fight, yes," Piccolo said, "Where are the other fighters?"

"They're on their way. So, how was training with Piccolo and Tamata?"

"Oh it wasn't so bad once you get used to it, and we weren't even always training."

Weeks before, at an orchestra, Gohan, Chi-Chi, the Ox King, and Tamata are in their finest clothing. The Ox King and Gohan are in suits, Chi-Chi is wearing a silk dress, while Tamata wears a red sequin dress that does not match her bulky musculature. Tamata leaned back in her chair, her eyes wide open and pupils dilated. A faint, joyful whimper squeaked from her mouth.

"Is she OK?" Ox King asked, leaning over her. His voice was distant, a whim that was taken apart by the orchestra, and his shape was remade in the image of the music.

"I...I think this is supposed to happen?" Chi-Chi suggested, the colors of her dress shining out together in a rainbow.

"Mom, can we come back here again?" Gohan asked, in a barely audible breath. Tamata's head rolled to Gohan, and they grinned at one another, their joyful laugh barely a gasp.

"We're a weird species," Gohan admitted, "You, uh...Wouldn't happen to have any Vivaldi on you, would you? I just need a couple of minutes."

"Uh, no?"

"Don't you hold out on me," Gohan muttered.

"Weird."

"I'll say!" a new voice called out, and all three of them gasped at the sky with the sudden appearance of the two Saiyans.

"Hi," Nappa greeted.

Tamata watched the Saiyans float down toward the three fighters. Damn; the others hadn't arrived yet. It was on them to delay the Saiyans as much as possible. Kakarot was on his way, and in order for the plan to work in full, they needed his power.

"Don't die, you idiots," she hissed.

"Plant the Saibamen," Vegeta said.

"Oh balls," she groaned. The shrieks of the Saibamen shook her to the bone. Not many good memories of those damn things.

"Wha-What're those?" Piccolo demanded.

"They're cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Tamata. That's right; she was so weak, we could actually grow Tamatas!" Vegeta declared.

"And they're gonna finish you off for dinner or lunch!" Nappa added.

"Oh god dammit Nappa, nobody's going to get that."

"As a matter of fact," a newcomer said, and a bulky three-eyed human landed, "I did."

"Oh goody, more of them. Who the hell are you?" Vegeta snarled.

"Look Vegeta! More bald people! The small one, two tall ones, and-uh-UH! Vegeta! Look! A Pokemon!" Nappa gawked at the tiny, pale human

"I'm not a Pokemon! I'm Chiaotzu! Chiaotzu!" he objected.

"Come on, isn't this everyone? Start fighting, damn you, don't just stand there like a bunch of slack-jawed idiots!" Tamata hissed, "If this doesn't work we're all dead!"

"Hey guys! I'm here now!" yet another human announced.

"It's Yamcha!" Krillin shouted.

Tamata squinted, "Oh so that's Yamcha? Hmm. Not bad. He's a seven or so. Don't care for his hair, but those are some nice scars. And that musculature, you could grind meat on-"

Then he was blown up by a Saibaman. She blinked.

"Well, there goes that ship."

"Dammit!" Piccolo shouted, "Everyone scatter!"

"What?" the short bald human demanded.

"Just do it!"

The humans all ran into the wilds, finding caves and cliffsides to hide in.

Nappa began ordering, "Go Snuggles! Destroy, Foofoo! Cabbagehead, kill! Other Cabbagehead, also kill! Vegeta Junior-"

There was an explosion.

"VEGETA JUNIOR, NOOOO!"

"Finally!" she sighed as the fighters took to the canyon, and she made her way towards them. A Saibaman landed before her, and let out a shriek; she fired a blast from her normal hand, blowing it apart.

"Well that's encouraging."

"So! You found me! That's….Very clever! But you made one fatal mistake! YOU KILLED YAMCHA! KRILLIN LIMIT BREAK!" Krillin shouted. He was in the open, surrounded by three Saibamen.

"That's not!" she groaned, and started making her way towards him, but the human let out a blast that penetrated all three. Naturally, they all exploded.

"Oh. Outstanding."

"Congratulations, you just destroyed the equivalent of three Tamatas," Vegeta told him, flying up to the scorch marks.

"Yeah! What now you son of a bi-" Krillin started.

"Nappa here is worth five Tamata."

"I-uh-What?"

"And I am worth fifteen Tamata."

"I...Aw…"

"Aw, come on don't get so down on yourself. At least you've proven that YOUR Tamata is still stronger than our Tamata," Nappa assured Krillin.

"I hate ALL of you!" Tamata snarled, "You know what!"

She fired a trio of blasts, the first two of which caught Nappa in the chest, and she landed between Krillin and the Saiyans.

"You're-You're still alive?!" Vegeta gasped.

"Aw! Vegeta! Tamata's back!"

"I just said that, Nap-"

"She's a ZOMBIE!"

Vegeta groaned.

"That's right, Nappa! These idiots forgot rule number two," Tamata said.

"Rule number two?" Nappa asked.

"DOUBLE TAP!" she blasted his chest, and followed through by punching him in the face, sending him reeling.

"Ahhhh, pretty good, Tamata. But you forgot rule seventeen," Nappa pointed out, and he fired a mouth-blast at Krillin. Tamta jumped before it, and held out her hand. Normally, she wore a long black glove over her left arm up to her bicep. The hand ripped through the glove as it spun and inverted, the metal fingers peeling back to reveal the aperture beneath. It was a sort of gem, hooked up to wires. She held it out, and the battle was disrupted by a white flash. When it cleared, Nappa's ki blast was gone, and the gem was glowing a faint red.

"Wh-What was that?" Krillin asked.

"Krillin? Rule one," Tamata said.

"Rule one? What's that?"

"Cardio."

There was a pause.

"Cardio? Oh, you mean run!"

"GO!"

He ran.

"She's a CYBORG zombie! That's pretty cool, isn't it Vegeta? I saw something like that at Saiyan University."

"Hold on, you went to college?" Vegeta demanded.

"Yup," Nappa confirmed.

"What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?"

"Wait, you didn't know that? He was our legal guardian for over ten years! He's got a degree in child psychology!" Tamata told him.

"WITH A MINOR IN PAIN!" Nappa charged, pounding Tamata back twenty feet with the collision, but not without her grabbing his arm and dragging him with her.

"Yeah, well, I took a few independent studies in the subject, myself," she assured him, and jabbed her mechanical arm into his chest, and fired, blasting him back with the power of his own attack. Her mechanical hand spun and de-inverted, returning to normal as it snapped back into a fist. Nappa cracked his neck and rolled his shoulder.

"I gotta say, Tamata, I'm somewhat impressed. You might be worth actually calling a Saiyan," Vegeta taunted. Tamata clenched her other fist.

"I don't need you alive, Vegeta. Either of you. You're just donors to the recreation of our species, but ultimately, nobody will remember your names."

"Remember who you're speaking to, woman! I am your Prince!"

"Prince of a dead race you haven't lifted a finger to save! You were going to leave me for dead on this rock when I was struck down, but I have become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

"If you choose to throw your lot in with this rock, fine, then let it be your grave, Tamata. But I can imagine quite a bit-and once you and these puny Earthlings and the Namekian are out of the way, I will be the undisputed power in the universe!"

"Does that make me Darth Vader?" Nappa asked.

"Nah, more like Tarkin," Tamata said.

"That works, too! Hey Vegeta! I'mma firin' when ready BLAUGH!" he fired another Ki blast from his mouth at her, but came in from the side, forcing her to take the punch. The two saiyans began to exchange blow for blow, block for block.

"Hey Nappa."

"Hey Tamata."

"Howya doin."

"Pretty good. We went to a bug planet."

"Sounds like fun."

"It was. Vegeta was a prison-"

"NAPPA!" Vegeta shouted.

"Bitch."

"God dammit Nappa!"

"Hey Nappa," Tamata said.

"Yeah, Tamata?"

"Remember last time we fought?"

"Sure do. Galaxy Championship Twenty Ten."

"Well guess what."

"What?"

"I got some new rhymes. You don't stand a chance."

"Wait what-"

She smacked him into a cliff.

"WHO'S THE PADDY-CAKE CHAMP NOW, BITCH!" she shouted at him. Nappa pulled himself out of the rocks.

"What the hell happened to you? How did you get so strong! And what's with the freaky robot arm!" Nappa demanded as she floated down to him.

"Well, you see, Nappa," she grabbed him by the collar, and floated up over the canyon, "You've got to remember the Saiyan guidebook. Stronger every time we almost die and so on, and I had a pretty big hole in my chest after my fight with Kakarot."

She pummeled him back into the ground, and landed above him.

"Then I was turned into a cyborg, so there's that," she kicked him back up onto a cliff, and he scrambled to his feet.

"And third, you wouldn't be-LIEVE the rhymes they drop on this planet! Seriously, Nappa! It's absolutely wonderful! Here. Let me show you. This one's called Valse in F-Sharp Minor," she started to hum the tune as Nappa re-engaged and they resumed exchanging blows, which ended with Tamata jabbing her robot arm into Nappa's pectoral.

"AUGH MY TIT!"

"Emphasis on 'Sharp.'"

She kicked him away, and he skidded to Vegeta's feet.

"Alright. You know me. I like to have fun. Usually at Tamata's expense. And coming to Earth was a lotta fun," Nappa sat up, "But I'm big enough to admit that I miiiiight have been underprepared for this fight. I mean, just a bit."

"You have no idea," Tamata began charging another attack, pointing it at Vegeta and Nappa.

"Oh you think you can touch me with that pitiful attack?" Vegeta laughed. Tamata fired, engulfing them both in light. When it settled down, Vegeta was standing in front of Nappa, hands out and gloves seared from the blast. He grinned.

"Wow Vegeta! You really saved my bacon! That just goes to show the true power of friendship! And Friendship is mag-"

"Nappa, remember what I said about shivving you?" Vegeta warned.

"Shutting up."

"I have to say, you've come a long way in a single year, Tamata. But you've forgotten your role! You are my servant, whelp, and I am your Prince! And I'm going to put you back in your place."

"One 'Kitchen' or 'Sandwich' joke and I'm shoving my boot so far up your ass your new favorite flavor is going to be leather," she warned.

"Oh please. In order to make my sandwich, you'd need to be a real woman."

Tabitha took a breath through her nose, "All right. Forget the taste of leather. I'm tearing out your tongue through your esophagus."

"Oh please. You don't want a taste of this."

She charged him.

Krillin, Piccolo, Gohan, Tien, and Chiaotzu watched as Tamata and Vegeta fought, trading blows and blasts and getting further away.

"He's...He's toying with her! She doesn't stand a chance!" Tien said through his teeth.

"Well...What about the other one?" Krillin said, "The big one? If we team up, we can take him together! If Tamata can beat him, so can we!"

"Are you sure about that?" Gohan asked.

"Come on, guys! What's the worst that can happen? We can beat this guy! As a team! Team five star!"

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Chiaotzu admitted.


	7. Episode 7: Nappa's Worst Day Ever

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based._

_Uziel! What does the document say about this fic's word count? IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!_

SMACK!

POW!

Vegeta and Tamata skidded away from each other. She'd actually managed to land a couple of hits on him. Unfortunately, he'd managed to land a lot more on her, and she was clearly outmatched. She'd come so far. If she'd had a little more time, maybe if she'd trained under heavier gravity, she'd have passed him. Still, she wasn't getting flattened without a second thought, the way these battles usually went. No, she was making him put effort into this fight. She was still losing, of course. She looked over her shoulder; Nappa was standing over the corpse of the bald man while the others stared.

"What the hell are you doing! Stop staring at him and kill him TOGETHER! I have my hands full here!" Tamata shouted.

"That's a shame, considering you've got one less now," Vegeta taunted.

"Wha-"

He tore off her cybernetic arm.

INTRO TITLE

"So, uh...Guys? What seems to be your plan here?" Tamata demanded, clutching the stump, "Because I'm thinking running away's a good option right about now."

"Yeah, running's a good plan, Piccolo. We should do that," Krillin agreed.

"You're wretched, Tamata. The moment the battle goes south, you turn tail and run! I was wrong, you're no Saiyan!" Vegeta snorted.

"Could use a save here, guys! We're all gonna die, I'm out of tricks!" Tamata told them.

"Wait, I've got one! Hope you don't mind me borrowing this, Tien...SOLAR FLARE!" Krillin shouted, consuming the area in a sudden, searing white light that burned into their retinas.

"AUGH WHAT IS THAT!" Tamata shouted, "OH IT"S LIKE SEEING THE UNDERSIDE OF DODORIA'S FAT FLAPS!"

Krillin grabbed her as he, Piccolo, and Gohan went to hide in the canyon.

"Hide your power levels!" Piccolo commanded.

"Well, Nappa, this has all been thoroughly underwhelming," Vegeta said, "And your fault."

"Yeah, I gotta own up to this one," he admitted.

"So, since this is all your fault, it's your job to fix it, Nappa. You're going to go out and eliminate every shred of resistance on this planet, or I'll vaporize you."

Nappa stared, "What?"

"You heard me. When we go looking for the Dragonballs, I don't want an ounce of resistance from the locals. And if you don't, I'll break every bone in your body. I'm already sick of this planet, and your screwing around isn't helping."

"But Vegeta I-"

"Ten. Nine."

Nappa flew off. Vegeta sighed.

"Finally. Silence."

The wind blew. Not a sound besides it bounced through the canyon.

"Oh god this place is boring."

They found themselves in a tiny farming town. The locals gawked as they walked down mainstreet at the two short warriors, one of which had a tail; the green demon; and the giant one-armed amazon.

"Okay, so, we just got thoroughly thrashed in about...Twenty minutes," Piccolo said, "We need a new plan."

"We run," Tamata said.

"Where?" Piccolo demanded.

"Doesn't matter. They'll hunt us down. We can't stay in one place too long, they'll find us. Even if we hide our power levels, we're still the most powerful beings on the planet besides themselves."

Another distant "HAH!" was ignored by all.

"Wait, most powerful being! That's it! We don't have to run and hide, Goku's on his way right now! We don't have to worry about the next few days, we just need to wait the next few hours until he arrives!" Krillin pointed out. A television in a store window interjected.

"The alien's assault on the Combined Earth Forces has thusfar gone unchallenged, as it continues to tear through even our most advanced and stalwart military powers. His ruthlessness and efficiency is insurmountable; who knows what cruel, sadistic thoughts are going through his head while he callously slaughters Earth's mightiest heroes?"

"Nappa's having the time of his life right now," Tamata said.

"Weeee! Yeaaaaaaah! Wooooooooo!"

"I'm running for my life and Nappa is having the time of his life. And I'm the one who won that fight! Dammit!" Tamata hissed.

"How...How long do you think they can hold him off?" Gohan asked.

"It'll have to be long enough, Gohan," Piccolo said, "Because if he finds us before Goku gets back, their sacrifice will have been for nothing."

Gohan and Krillin hung their heads.

"Oh come on, I'm the one who did that first! You jackass, that's my move!" Tamata yelled at the screen.

"Come on, we should get going, and stay away from populated areas. We don't want to be tracked where people might get in the way," Piccolo said.

"We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt," Gohan agreed.

"Yeah, I guess that, too," Piccolo shrugged, "We won't be able to fly. That would just make us easier to track. So we'll have to walk."

"Or we could steal one of those internal combustion vehicles. Not like it's got any real power to it, and if it explodes none of us will get hurt," Tamata pointed out.

"But that would be stealing!" Gohan objected.

"Well it's steal a vehicle, we hike into the wilderness, or we all die," Tamata pointed out, "Besides, who's going to stop us?"

"But how does it make us any better than the bad guys?" Gohan asked.

"Gohan, up until a year ago, Piccolo and I were both on self-driven quests of destruction. We ARE bad guys," she told him, "Just because we're fighting evil does not make us good."

"...Oh…"

Tamata stood in front of a truck, which skidded to a halt.

"Hey are ya crazy bitch what the hell d'ya think ye're doing I coulda flattened ya something fierce!" the driver rambled at her as she approached the door.

"We're taking your truck, she opened the door.

"Augh! Protect me, gun!"

There was a gunshot as he pulled a weapon on her, but she grabbed it out of his hands, bent the barrel, and tossed it aside, then tore the driver out of the truck.

"Which one of you knows how to drive one of these?" she asked the others.

"I could, but I can't reach the pedals," Krillin admitted. Tamata grumbled, and sat in the driver's seat while the others piled in, Piccolo in the bed of the truck.

"This is so beneath me," he grunted.

"Get over it," Tamata told him, and took off. They drove into the countryside, passing the occasional emu farm. Krillin turned on the radio, and country music started playing. Tamata turned it off, then ripped the radio out of the dash, tossing it onto the road.

"Okay, no radio then," he conceded. They continued in silence, until the siren of a police car disrupted it.

"Uh, we should pull over. It's the cops," Krillin said.

"Why?"

"Because we'll attract attention if we don't. Besides, I'm already on probation and I'm out of state."

"Why are you on probation?" Gohan asked.

"I live with Master Roshi, that's basically grounds for house arrest right there. The guy's got so many restraining orders they basically apply to me by default."

Tamata pulled over, and the police approached, guns out. Tamata stuck her head out the window, raised her arm, blew up their car with an energy blast, and drove off, stranding the police officers with no means of communication.

"Wow…" Gohan looked at his feet, "We really are the bad guys…"

More silence.

"Adults disappoint, Gohan. It doesn't stop," Tamata told him, "But that doesn't mean there's nothing to learn from them. You just...You just have to learn how to sort what's crap and what's real."

"Is that what 'growing up' means?"

"Nobody grows up. They just get bigger."

"Wow. You're like a constant bummer, huh?" Krillin said.

"I would like to point out that I'm one of the last remaining members of my species, and I dislike literally every other survivor. And so far, the species that is the one hope for mine hasn't exactly endeared itself, either. Sorry if I'm not exactly cheery."

They rode in silence, driving further and further away from civilization. Eventually, it was difficult to describe their path as a road, as it was starting to get overgrown and rocky. It wasn't even clear that they were on land that was owned, as any signs of inhabitation had long been left behind. The truck objected to the road with a CLUNK as it ran something over, veered to the right, and Tamata brought it to a full stop.

"We're on foot now," she told them.

"How do we know if my dad's come back?" Gohan asked.

"We won't. Unless Vegeta and Nappa finds us," Tamata said.

"That's your plan? Hide in the mountains and hope that Goku is able to beat the Saiyans, and crawl out when the fighting's cleared?" Piccolo asked.

"More or less. I can take Nappa, but I don't stand a chance against Vegeta, especially without my arm. It was the one thing that gave me any remotely like a chance against him, and now it's gone."

"But Goku might need our help!" Krillin pointed out.

"We can't help him if we're dead!" Tamata retorted.

"We might as well be if we do nothing at all!" Piccolo said. Tamata sighed.

"You're right. Kakarot stands a better chance if we're helping. How long have we been driving?"

"I don't know, you ripped out the only thing with a clock," Krillin said, "But, I dunno, like, three hours, I guess? Goku was supposed to get back today."

"Then we've bought enough time. Let's set up another trap. Bait Nappa and Vegeta here, and inflict all the damage we can. You guys have any techniques you've been itching to work with?"

"I got the Special Beam Cannon. I managed to get the charge time down to thirty seconds, too," Piccolo said.

"Oh ho-ho yeah, I got a good one," Krillin nodded.

"Good. I'll tie them up, and try not to miss. Or commit sweeping genocide? Keep it to a reasonable major extermination," Tamata requested.

"No promises," Piccolo told her.

"Fair enough."

They made their way to a mountain with plenty of hiding spots, and Piccolo, being the strongest, powered up to get Nappa's attention. Piccolo's yell echoed, and the birds and animals started to chatter in agitation. Minutes passed, though, and the sounds of the animals died down. The sounds of the winds in the cliffsides became a white noise, becoming a kind of silence unto itself.

Piccolo spoke up, "Where are they? There's no way they could have missed-"

"Found you!" Nappa slammed his elbow onto the top of Piccolo's head, planting him on the ground.

"What the HELL, he took you down in one blow?! Why did I even bother!" Tamata yelled.

Gohan ran to the Namekian, "Mister Piccolo! Please wake up! You have to stop him!"

Piccolo mumbled something incoherent.

"Don't worry Gohan! Goku has never let us down! I'm sure he'll be here any second!" Krillin insisted.

"Screw Kakarot, I've got this!" Tamata charged Nappa, but just before she landed a blow on Nappa, Vegeta planted his foot on her face, smacking her down next to Piccolo, and her world became singing birdies and bright, dancing lights. They were some pretty mad, birds, too, what with all the screaming and crying and maniacal laughter.

The orchestral laser show that was Tamata's brain carried down to a decrescendo, and things started coming back into focus. The Namekian was toast. Well, burnt toast. The short human was writhing on the ground, Gohan was being held by Kakarot, Nappa didn't have a shirt and-

"Ka...Kakarot?" she muttered.

"Woo hoo! Thank you Kame ex machina!" Krillin cheered as he nibbled on a bean.

"Hey! Which one of you did all this?" Goku demanded.

"That was me, totally calling it! I killed every single one of them- except the Chiaotzu, he blew himself up!" Nappa shouted. Goku trembled, and rocks floated into the air as he powered up, winds rushing around him to accent the display of raw power.

"Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?" Nappa shouted.

Vegeta pressed a button on his device, "It's…one thousand and six."

"Wha- really?"

"Yes. Kick his ass nappa!"

"Yaayy-OOOWWW! Ow ow ow ow! Dah! Dah! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!"

"That doesn't seem right," Vegeta muttered as Goku trounced Nappa around the field. Tamata laughed, and he looked down at her.

"You're still alive?" he remarked.

"And you still keep messing with the settings, despite not knowing what they do, aren't you, Vegeta?"

"That one doesn't bend that way. My arm doesn't bend that way!" Nappa shouted, followed by a gory CRACK as his bone snapped in two, "OW! NOW IT DOES!"

"What? Oh, dammit! Wait, wait wait wait! NAPPA!" Vegeta shouted to him.

"Whaaaaaaaaat?"

"I had the scouter upside-down. It's over nine thousand. Rah," Vegeta said, crushing the device.

"Then why do you sound so bored?" Nappa asked.

"Because it's still not a threat…"

"But-"

"...to me!"

"Hey, Kakarot," Tamata called out.

"Oh hey you're here!" Goku looked to her.

"Sorry about kidnapping your son and trying to kill you," she said.

"Eh, it's cool. A lot of my friends used to do that sort of thing."

"Yeah, I gathered as much."

"You want a sensu bean?"

"What's a sensu bean?"

"It's a magic healing bean."

Tamata stared for a moment, "Oh, wait, you're serious."

"I never joke about food."

"You're dad's son, all right. Yeah, I'll take a bean."

"Krillin?"

"SENSU BEAN!" Krillin threw a bean at her. She caught it, and swallowed it. Suddenly, the intense throbbing and pain where Vegeta hit her dissipated, the dancing lights disappeared, and the bringing in her ears quieted down. She managed to find the coordination to get back on her feet.

"Oh, man, Vegeta, this is gonna be a tough fight, even for the both of us," Nappa said, "I'm not sure if our reps will hold up after this one."

"That won't matter. Once we get the dragon balls we'll just wish for immortality! Then no one will be able to stop us."

"Wait, what? But you killed Piccolo…" Goku said.

"And your point is...?"

"Well, if he's dead, the dragon balls don't work."

"Wh...what?"

Nappa let out a chuckle, "Oh and I totally killed that guy. Oh well at least we still had fun getting here, right, Vegeta? Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege-"

Nappa's scream died on his lips as Vegeta blasted him into a crispy corpse. Vegeta grinned into the sky.


	8. Ep 8: Cause a Miracle! Battle Power x10!

_The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the Official release._

_And the Abridged series, upon which this is based._

_They appreciate banjos._

"Ahahahahah! He's gone! He's finally gone! I'm so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all!" Vegeta laughed.

"Re-Really?" Krillin said.

"Ahahaha! No. You're all thoroughly screwed."

"Awww…"

"Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta," Tamata shook her head, "What did I say about Rule Two? Double Tap. You didn't make sure that I was dead. Now, you have to deal with both me AND Kakarot, and even with one arm? The two of us, together, are more than a match for you."

"Gohan, Krillin, you should go. Tomato and I can take Vegeta, get as far away as you-Krillin? Where'd you go?" Goku looked around for his friend; the human was already taking off, screaming all the while. He looked down to his son, "Gohan, follow Krillin. Get home to your mother."

"Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her?" he asked.

"Yes, Gohan. Tell her," he flicked his nose, grinning, "To put dinner on."

Goku turned to face Vegeta, "'Cause I'm hungry."

The three Saiyan warriors engaged in a staredown.

"If she has any of those pork dumplings? Those are awesome," Tamata said to Gohan just before he took off.

_Meanwhile, on King Kai's planet._

King Kai took a breath, "So, the fight is about to begin. The showdown between the Saiyan Elite and the low-class warrior, trained by me, with his sister, converted into a mighty cyborg through the miracle of science."

King Kai looked to the orange sky, which reflected off his glasses.

"Takin' all bets, guys! Takin' all bets!"

Bubbles the monkey hollered, holding a fistful of Zeni.

"Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one," the disembodied pirate said.

"Uh, sir, is this really appropriate? If Goku loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed," Gregory the cricket pointed out. A large mallet appeared in King Kai's hand.

"You were saying?" King Kai threatened. Gregory gave pause.

"D'ah. 1,000 zeni on Goku."

_Hey, can I get in on this? _

"Wait a second! Don't you already know the outcome of the fight?" King Kai demanded.

_N-nnnnooooooo._

"Well, all right. What's your bet?"

_I'll bet that Tamata pulls a hat trick that saves the day, but Vegeta gets away._

"Hah! All right, if you say so, I'll take your money. Hey, what happened to the old narrator?"

_The writer didn't want him violating AO3's terms and conditions._

"You really believe you can fight me? After the beating I just gave you? You've chosen this world as the grave of your whole family!" Vegeta said.

"Listen. We don't have to do this, you know. If you leave now and promise to never come back, I'll let you go. And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed," Goku told him.

"It's not too late for you, Vegeta, or our people. Go in peace, and you might see the day our species reborn," Tamata said.

"Such trite! Where's your Saiyan pride, children of Bardock? We are proud warriors! Bred to fight and conquer. This planet has made you soft, Kakarot, and you've let your delusions break your spirit," Vegeta replied. Tamata clenched her fist, and scowled at him. Goku remained relaxed, but at the ready.

"Are you sure about this? 'Cause even if you're a little sorry-"

"No! I'm not sorry!"

"Are you absolutely sure you-"

"Yes! I am entirely sure! I'm going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-"

"KAIO-KEN!" Goku shouted.

"Kaio what-?" Vegeta and Tamata said together, and Goku's aura started to glow a beet red. Goku charged Vegeta, and they began to exchange blows.

"Hey Vegeta!" Tamata called up to him.

"WHAT!"

"RULE TWENTY-FIVE!" she started firing energy blasts at him, catching him in the chest and blasting him away from Goku, leaving him smoking and panting.

"Okay, not bad. But still nothing compared to me. Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite!" Vegeta said.

"Elite? What's that mean?" asked Goku.

"He thinks he's better than us," Tamata floated up to join them, "Just because of who our parents were. But all it means is his ego's bigger."

"It means I'm of an upper-" Vegeta started.

"It means you're a prick!" Tamata blasted him again. Vegeta seathed.

"I'm going to start beating you now. I don't when I'll stop."

Goku shrugged, "Hopefully before dinner. Because I told Gohan to tell Chichi that-"

Vegeta headbutted Goku in the face. Vegeta exchanged punches and kicks with the sibling warriors; it was clear that Vegeta was putting more focus and speed into his fighting, especially when he grabbed Goku by the hair and slammed him into Tamata.

"Hah! What's wrongt? Can't keep up? I told you, Kakarot. There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here! You might as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-"

"KAIO-KEN TIMES THREE!" Goku shouted.

"Times wha-" Vegeta and Tamata said together. Goku kicked Vegeta into a rock face, instantly creating a cave.

"Hey are you okay in there?" Goku called to him.

"Yah. I'm fan-f**king-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here."

"Kakarot-" Tamata said.

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Huh? It's your name!"

"No it's not."

"Of course it is!"

"No, my name's Goku. Just because my biological parents named me Kakawhat doesn't mean you get to call me that, because I've built a life, here, on Earth, as Goku."

"I-what?"

"Listen, just because we're siblings or whatever doesn't mean you're my family. My name is Goku, not Cocoapuff."

"That's...Fair, I guess?"

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" Vegeta said, floating out of the cave, "I thought we were busy ensuring your doom by my hand."

"Shut up, you're not part of this," Tamata snapped.

"I grow weary of your insolence! I AM VEGETA, PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!" he screamed.

"Aww, sounds like somebody's got an ice cream headache!" Goku tsked.

"THAT'S IT! EVERYONE DIES! SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PLANET, KAKAROT!"

"Hey, did you not hear what I just said to Potato?"

"I DON'T CARE! I'M F**KING EVIL! GALICK GUN…"

"Oooh! Did he say garlic-"

"Goku!" Tamata snarled, charging an energy blast.

"Oh man! KA… ME… HA… ME…"

"FIIIIIIIREEEE!" Vegeta screamed as he unleashed his attack.

Goku unleashed his blast with a, "HAAAAAAAA!" and the blue wave smashed into Vegeta's blast. Tamata kept to the side, putting all she had into charging her attack.

"This is the end, Kakarot! You don't stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world!"

"Hey Vegeta!" Tamata called out. He looked over his shoulder at her.

"Keep your eye on the birdie!" Tamata blasted him square in the face, causing him to drop his attack, and be blasted into the sky by Goku's Kamehameha. Tamata and Goku panted, watchign the sky clear of the blasts and residual light.

"Hah-HAAAAAH! Suckerrrrr!" Tamata cheered, "Hey! Kaka-I mean, Goku! Do you...Do you think we did it? Did we get him? Oh, please tell me we killed that son of a bi-"

"-itch!" Vegeta screamed, "This can't be happening! I'm the prince! I'm supposed to be the best by default! I'll show that little bastard! I'll become the mighty Oozaru and crush him into the- Where's the moon? WHERE'S THE DAMN MOON?!"

"No, I can still sense him," Goku said.

"Oh, balls…" Tamata groaned, "I'm exhausted…"

"I still have a few Kaio-Kens in me," Goku said.

"The Kaio-what?"

"Kaio-Ken. It's like a big power-up. I learned it when I was dead."

"Oh, that explains everything."

"Vegeta won't be able to take much more of those as it is. You should go, there's no point in you staying if you're out of energy," Goku pleaded. Tamata looked up at the sun, where Vegeta was floating down towards them.

"No, Goku. Vegeta's got one more trick," Tamata said, and she uncurled her tail from around her waist, "I'm not sure which of us will be more dangerous when he pulls it."

"Very clever, Tamata! I'd taken you for a fool but it seems you're far more cunning than you let on! But destroying the moon won't stop me! We've learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary power-"

"Question!" Goku called out.

"What?"

"Are they made of cheese?"

Tamata sighed, "You know, Vegeta, there's literally one reason I didn't blow up this planet when I arrived. So no matter how mad I am at you, I just want you to know, I'm not mad that you want to blow up Earth. I really wouldn't be that mad."

"I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should," Vegeta said, and he threw an artificial moon into the air, "Now watch, as your life becomes inconsequential as I reveal my giant monkey-"

"Only if I get to show you mine!" Tamata shouted at him, wiggling her tail, and they both started to twist and grow into a new form. Vegeta's armor stretched and moved with his body, through Tamata's clothes were simply torn off. Tamata roared, and charged the rival before her, smashing Vegeta with a boulder. Vegeta slammed his fist on her good arm, and jabbed her in the solar plexus, causing her to step back.

"They're huge! That means they'll only be stronger, but not as fast!" Goku surmised. Vegeta landed next to Goku, and started chasing him.

"OhGodthey'restillasfast! He's too powerful! I have to come up with a plan! Wait! I know! I just have to think like a monkey! Hmmm…" Goku took a moment to think while Vegeta and Tamata locked arms and wrestled. Goku concentrated, and in his heart of hearts, heard the cheers of a monkey,, "Hey! It's working!"

"_No, that's just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles!" _King Kai replied, smacking bubbles off, "_Goku, listen, there's only one way to stop them! You have to use the Spirit Bomb!"_

"On it!" Goku said.

"_And whatever you do, make sure you're very well hidden! It's going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy! Let Tamata and Vegeta fight it out while you gather what you nee-"_

Goku let out a scream as the rocks around him exploded.

"Why does this keep happening?! You're just a low-class wench! There's no way you should be able to match me as an Ozaru!" Vegeta snarled, gripping Tamata's arm and trying to handle her with his other hand, but she kept slipping out and hitting him.

"Maybe it's because the classist institutions your father built to justify his racist policies are full of shit," Tamata said, to Vegeta's horror. She yanked back with her whole arm, and drop-kicked him in the chest, sending him into a mountain.

"Or maybe I'm just a badass bitch," she supposed, stalking over to Vegeta.

"This doesn't make any sense! You're low-class! You can't talk!" he insisted, "You can't match me! You've always gone mad as an Ozaru!"

"You know, I used to think that, too. Everything just got a little fuzzy, and I just went nuts. But can you say the word 'Psychosomatic'?" she kicked him in the chest, and picked him up by the hair, "It's a big word that means 'If you believe bullshit hard enough, your body believes it, too.' And you and Nappa fed me a lot of bullshit over the years."

She kept punching the same part of his ribs over and over.

"I used to think it was me! That I was crazy! That I was weak! But what I realized, when I became Ozaru just now, is that all the other times, I was there. In my head. I let myself go, because I thought that's what I was. Because you convinced me of that, Vegeta. Because of alllll the bullshit you fed me, and who was I gonna believe? There was nobody LEFT!"

She slammed her fist into his jaw.

"And you just rolled over like a dog for Freeza, kept me at the bottom as your little punching bitch!"

She kneed him in the stomach.

"Well who's the little punching bitch, now, Vegeta?"

"Is...Is it me…?"

"GOLD STAR!" she smashed his head into a rock, "You win a prize! Wanna know what it is?"

"...Is it a beating?"

"You win again!"

She gave him his prize. When Vegeta stopped making any movements beyond a few twitches, she jumped into the air, grabbing the false moon and landed. As she stood over Vegeta, she crushed it in her hand, forcing both of them back into their normal forms. Vegeta wheezed and groaned. Tamata pelted him with the device.

"HuOWithurts…'

"Using my father's technology to try to kill us. Look at you, beaten and broken at the height of your power. It really sucks to be you right now, Vegeta."

She placed her foot on Vegeta's throat.

"It's about to suck a whole lot more. Then it's not gonna matter."

She pressed down, and Vegeta gagged, fighting against her, but she pressed down with her weight.

"Tamata wait!" Goku called out. She stopped pressing harder, but didn't let up any.

"What is it?" she demanded.

"Vegeta! Are you sorry?" Goku asked. Tamata lifted her foot. Vegeta spat and gagged.

Vegeta spat blood, "Wha-What?"

"If you say you're sorry, Vegeta, then you can leave."

"You can't be serious…" Vegeta wheezed.

"I kind of have to agree," Tamata said.

"But Tangerine, if he's sorry-truly sorry-there's nothing we can do," Goku insisted.

"I'm sorry. Yep, totally sorry. I just feel terrible."

"Let him go, Tamata," Goku instructed. She took her foot off, and Vegeta recalled his pod.

"Yeah. Okay," she said. She looked down at the ground where Vegeta had bled, and picked up a strip of loose cloth, soaking up the blood.

"Oh yes," Vegeta started climbing into his pod, "I'm very, very, very sorry…THAT YOU'RE ALL STILL ALIVE! SUCKERRRRS! AH-HAHAHA-HA-OH IT HURTS TO LAUGH!"

Tamata pointed her hand at Vegeta's pod.

"Pow. Just, bam. One shot. Be done with him forever."

"Tamarind! You promised!"

"All right, Kakarot, if you want me to call you Goku you're gonna have to get my name right from now on!"

_And so our heroes looked towards the sky, their battle finally over and victory on their side. Many lives were lost and many lessons were learned, and I made out with a cool one-hundred thou!_

"You cheating bi-!" King Kai yelled.

_Can't hear you, don't care! Now where was I… how will our heroes bring back their fallen compatriots? What new dangers will present themselves? This franchise is older than I am! Spoilers sort of expire after five years or so. But keep reading! Things are still about to change up even more on Dragonball Z Super Deluxe Collector's Edition!_


	9. DBZ:A Kai Deluxe Collector's Edition S1

_THIS IS A PARODY SUPPORT THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THE ORIGINALS_

_Peaceful day in the countryside_

FARMER: Doot dee doo, runnin' my farm with slave labor.

Space pod crashes

TAMATA: I'm just like Raditz except I'm a chick!

FARMER: You're hot!

TAMATA: You're a prick!

Tamata kills the farmer

LABORER: Usted nos ha liberado! Ahora la revolución puede comenzar!

TAMATA: Bitchin'..

Tamata flies off

_DRAGON SOUL_

_In a wasteland_

PICCOLO: I'm so alone.

TAMATA: I'm here now!

PICCOLO: Will you be my friend?

TAMATA: No. Where's Kakarot?

PICCOLO: I dunno.

TAMATA: All right fine I'll try Kame House.

_At Kame House_

TAMATA: Kakarot, you're an alien. We're siblings. Join me, and we can rule the galaxy as brother and sister!

GOKU: I'm a who?

TAMATA: Screw it I'm taking your kid.

Tamata knees Goku

GOKU: My stomach!

Tamata steals Gohan and flies off

GOKU: My kid!

_Back at the ranch_

TAMATA: Stop crying!

Gohan continues crying

LABORER: ¿Quieres un poco de emú?

TAMATA: Oh, Dios mío, sí.

GOKU: Ta-tas we're here for my son!

TAMATA: EXACT QUOTES FROM THE ABRIDGED SERIES!

GOKU: EXACT QUOTES FROM THE ABRIDGED SERIES!

PICCOLO: EXACT QUOTES FROM THE ABRIDGED SERIES!

TAMATA: Gay joke!

PICCOLO: Incest joke!

TAMATA: Beating!

PICCOLO AND GOKU: What?

Beating

GOKU: Got any ideas?

PICCOLO: Hold her still!

TAMATA: MORE EXACT QUOTES FROM THE ABRIDGED SERIES!

PICCOLO: Makankōsappō!

TAMATA: DODGE!

Goku and Tamata are penetrated, and Tamata loses an arm.

PICCOLO: I should teach that to Gohan.

TAMATA: Screw this noise. SUPER JET BLAST!

Tamata flies off

_Tamata in the mountains_

TAMATA: Balls it's cold. Ugh.

Tamata passes out

_In Dr. Gero's lab_

DR. GERO: You're a cyborg now!

Tamata snatches the remote from Dr. Gero and crushes it.

TAMATA: Bitchin'.

Tamata leaves Dr. Gero's lab

_In the wasteland_

PICCOLO: DODGE!

Smacks Gohan. Tamata catches him.

TAMATA: Thanks for the kid, bye.

_While flying_

TAMATA: I want a new narrator.

_You can't do that to me!_

((Why should we?))

TAMATA: I'll read your stuff.

((I CRAVE ATTENTION))

_At the Son homestead_

TAMATA: I'm gonna learn you how to book.

GOHAN: That wasn't grammatically-

TAMATA: DODGE!

Tamata throws a book at Gohan

TAMATA: NOW READ IT!

GOHAN: I'm reading!

TAMATA: Good! NOW DODGE!

Tamata throws another book at Gohan

CHI CHI: So glad to have Gohan home again!

TAMATA: Let's go do a thing.

CHI CHI: How about the orchestra?

TAMATA: Bitchin'.

_At the Orchestra_

TAMATA: This music is making us so f***ing high right now, Gohan.

Tamata and Gohan laugh stupidly together

_In the wasteland_

TAMATA: Let's make a plan to fight the Saiyans.

PICCOLO: Bitchin'.

_In a different wasteland_

KRILLIN: I'm here now!

TAMATA: We have a plan!

KRILLIN: I'm gonna ignore it!

NAPPA: Hiiii!

PICCOLO: DODGE!

Everyone jumps into the canyon

VEGETA: Plant the Saibamen.

Saibamen grow

SAIBAMEN: Scree! Scree!

Yamcha is blown up by a Saibaman

TAMATA: Oh man I was supposed to hit that ass, too, wasn't I?

Saibamen are blown up by the Z Warriors

KRILLIN: AH I'M UNDER ATTACK!

TAMATA: Hi Nappa.

NAPPA: Hi Tamata.

TAMATA: I'm gonna beat you up now.

NAPPA: Nu-OW!

Tamata beats up Nappa

VEGETA: That's enough beating up Nappa.

Vegeta tears off Tamata's cyborg arm and beats Tamata

TAMATA: You can do this, guys!

Nappa kills Chiaotsu and Tien

TAMATA: We can't do this, guys! Run!

KRILLIN: SOLAR FLARE!

TAMATA, NAPPA, VEGETA: AUGH MY EYES!

_At a small town_

TAMATA: Can anyone drive?

PICCOLO: No.

GOHAN: I'm five.

KRILLIN: I'm too short.

TAMATA: Ugh fine, we'll steal this one.

Tamata throws a driver out of their truck. The GTA HUD appears with one wanted star filled in, and Jay Rock's Hood Gone Love It plays

TAMATA: Bitchin'.

_On the Highway_

A cop car is chasing them

TAMATA: You'll never take me alive, coppers!

Tamata blows up a cop car. Her 'Wanted' stars increased by 2.

GOHAN: That wasn't a good guy thing.

TAMATA: I'm still kind of evil.

PICCOLO: Me, too!

TAMATA: Also, adults suck.

_In yet another wasteland_

TAMATA: The truck broke.

PICCOLO: We have a plan to get Goku to beat up the Saiyans.

TAMATA: Bitchin'.

Piccolo powers up

PICCOLO: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Nappa elbow-slams Piccolo and he goes down

TAMATA: AUGH DAMMIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Vegeta punches Tamata. The GTA 'Wasted' screen. The character wheel blinks on Goku, and it shifts to him.

NAPPA: I'm gonna get another beating, aren't?

GOKU: Yep.

Beating

NAPPA: Vegeta! What does the Scouter say about his power level.

VEGETA: IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAA-

NAPPA: -AAAAAAAAAAA-

KRILLIN: -AAAAAAAAAA-

GOKU: -AAAAAAAAAA-

GOHAN: -AAAAAAAAAA-

TAMATA: -AAAAAAAAAA-

KRILLIN: SENSU BEAN!

Tamata eats a Sensu bean. The 'Popeye' theme plays. Her health bar in the GTA hub returns to full.

NAPPA: -AAAAAAAAAA-

Beating. Nappa lands next to Vegeta.

NAPPA: Weakly -AAaaaAaaAA-

Vegeta blasts him

NAPPA: -AAAAAAAAAA-

VEGETA: -AAAAAAAAAAnd.

Vegeta, Goku, and Tamata stare off. The wind blows. Krillin and Gohan fly away.

VEGETA: BEATING!

Beating

GOKU &amp; TAMATA: Owwww…

TAMATA: We need to do something else.

GOKU: I'm gonna do the Kaio-Ken!

TAMATA &amp; VEGETA: The Kaio-wha-

GOKU: KAIO-KEN!

Beating

VEGETA: All right, time to show everyone my monkey!

Vegeta throws the false moon and turns into Ozaru

TAMATA: Mine's bigger!

Tamata also turns into an Ozaru

VEGETA: Oh balls.

TAMATA: Yep.

Beating

VEGETA: I'm gonna go now.

Vegeta leaves in his pod. Goku and Tamata stare up at the sky. Cut to Tamata's face.

TAMATA: I'm gonna continue to steal eeeeeeveryone's jokes.

_DRAGON SOOOOOOOOOU-_

**CEASE AND DESIST**


End file.
